How Working Memory Impacts Your Financial Habits

Welcome back to ADHD Money Talk, the show that helps dynamic but distracted ADHD brains take back control over their money in order to stress less, live a more rich life and open up new and amazing possibilities. And either humble and quite ADHD-host, dave DeWitt. My ADHD is awful. Sometimes it just drives me up the wall because the level of working memory that I have is terrible. Sometimes I'm doing this podcast and I'm like stuttering, or it's choppy and I'm pausing and I have to keep talking because I can't hold a dang thaw in my mind for long enough for me to be able to speak it out smoothly, because things come in my brain and it drops in out in drop, drop, drop, drop. So that's how I can go from starting a task on my computer and maybe in five minutes I've already started four other tasks and I cannot just continue doing what I should be doing. And I always have had this thought of this dream of when I start a task on my computer, the words for what I'm doing and need to keep doing would just stay on the computer and be transcribed from my brain directly onto a big script like big text on the computer, so I can just continue doing that thing and not forget about it, because within five seconds I sometimes forget and then I'm on to a new thing. So even if I break up my day, you know I go on. I'm using Sonsama now to help me daily plan and it does help me daily plan, but I can only daily plan so many small tasks, but then, when little things, there's always that little, really small task that you forgot about, that's in between your other small tasks, that you thought were all of them, and then you start doing the tasks that you planned, but then you have to do the other little tasks, but then you're flipping to anything of another one and then every time that I'm starting a new task that pops my mind it's usually like an email I forgot to answer or it's like something like that along those lines. I can't just write down. I mean I could, maybe I should, but I couldn't put it in the app every time like, okay, this is what you're doing now, because sometimes the tasks literally will just take two minutes and to like take time to open up the app and like write tasks down, I could have already done it. So it's just this big mess. You know, here I am talking about it, but this is just my struggle. My working memory is so bad. If you look at my IQ score, I'm a brilliant 109, I'm like average, very average intelligence, almost above average, but I'm average. So I have to accept that I think 110, in some way 110 would mean that I was like more, like superior or like above average, but I'm 109, so I'm average. And I was talking to my ADHD coach who I hope is listening, and she's like a 139 and I'm like dang, that's so smart and I thought I was like sort of smart. But when I found out that I was a 109 because of this test, I took this. I took IQ test twice actually once when I was very small, like six years old, and one when I was in high school, and I scored 109 both times exactly. So I feel pretty confident that I'm a 109. But if you look at it and we're going to get into what this podcast is about we are going to talk about money today. The IQ test I got. This was part of my like you know, if you listen to one of the early episodes, I talked about this but I had like very hardcore testing done. I took all these tests. I took Bender, gestalt, Stanford, bonaise Intelligence, detroit Test of Learning aptitude. Detroit Test of Learning aptitude 4, brown EDD scales. Burns and Rowe in formal word recognition inventory. Burns and Rowe, yada, yada, nelson, denny reading, woodcock, jaffin tests of achievement God, that was like a test subject. I felt like here's my IQ scores for each section of the IQ test verbal comprehension 114, 82nd percentile okay. So I guess I've always excelled with words more so than numbers. Huh, I'm an official planner. What the heck am I doing in this job? Just kidding, I'm not. I'm not picking that way, I'm not. I don't have imposter syndrome, I swear. Perceptual reasoning 108, 70th percentile okay, I'll take it. Ranging speed 70 or 109, okay. 73rd percentile okay, I'll take it. Okay. Feeling pretty good, full scale IQ 109, that's the full one, and I skipped one because I'm just so ashamed of it. Working memory 94 and the 34th percentile. So this has always made me think, like, to some extent I'm like Is it ADHD or is that part of my brain just broken? Like, do I get hit in the head really hard on my working memory section of my brain? I don't entertain those thoughts really, because it could be, it could not be. I don't know. I don't really care. I've accepted everything about it, but like it's the worst part of my ADHD, the first year of working memory is how it's most affected. It's how it's gotten, and working memory is one of those things where, like it can totally make you look dumb, like it can be feel dumb, look dumb. People will think you're dumb. That's what I experienced with my soccer story and my sports and sus. Because, because what this is? You forget the name, you get lost in conversation, you can't remember what they had just said, you have nothing to say back to the person because you're too busy trying to scramble to remember what they said. And then you feel awkward and then you just nod your head and stare blankly or stare through them and say I can't wait for this guy to start talking. What's my way out of here? I feel like a dummy and that sucks, it's not, doesn't feel good, it's the worst. Or, in my case, soccer practice Coach is saying okay, you go, you go from this spot to this spot to this spot and back and forth and then loop, you loop back and forth. Okay, go do that. And everyone's like yeah, we got that, it's easy. And I'm up. I'm like, oh, okay, I won in the wrong direction five times in a row and then I'm being yelled at and and all that. It sucks, it hurts and it sucks. So, but working memory sucks and ADHD, and that hurts money too. Like, how are you supposed to really keep track of when I'm spending, what's coming, what's coming out? I can't even remember my own phone number sometimes. It's crazy. So, like, working memory sucks and that is an executive function, and ADHD is a disorder of being executive function. This is a disorder of your prefrontal cortex that is not getting enough dopamine. I'm not a doctor, I'm not a scientist, I'm not a person that knows things officially about these things, so just don't take my word for it. So, just what I, my understanding, my understanding is that we have, we every humans need, like dopamine keeps us feeling good and motivated, right, it's like the stain that just like keeps us like appropriately motivated to do things, to get appropriate rewards at the appropriate time and to understand the long term consequences of things and so that you act appropriately in alignment with those standard long term. You know, this is this is what it gives you when it's regulating through your brain properly and it's not gone half the time and then, but let's stay in there when you do something crazy. So that's what ADHD is to me. So I feel like I have it on that front. And then I also feel like I have it on the front of like extra bad working memory, because it's just brutal sometimes. So you know, working memory is like the sticky note in your brain that you can see and remember. It's like you just took a note down, you just heard someone's name and it's stuck on your brain. You can't forget it. It's there. You're holding that information. You can only hold so much of your working memory, but it's there. And so when it comes to financial stuff, you're like, okay, this bill's due on this day, whatever it's on the sticky note. But that sticky note, the R sticky note, is like looking at the colorblind test. When you're colorblind, you can't remember, you can't see it, it's blurry. You're like, where is the number? I don't see it, I can't remember. And then, and so if you're in the middle needing to make a decision about finances or whatever and you just can't remember what the right information is, you're either going to just shut down and do nothing or you're just going to make the decision go to a bad. You'll figure out the consequences later. I mean, it's not easy to keep track of anything Like. That's why I really I've always recommend tracking your expenses. You have to make that routine or the habit so automatic, like it's got to be like okay, I spent money on a thing. I need to go right down in my spending journal what I wrote. You need to make it so that you're doing that in the same way that when you sit down on the toilet you take out your phone. You know that's a muscle memory, that just happens. You need to develop habits through whatever means you possibly can to get that done, and I talked to a lot of people who want to control their. When they pay bills. They want to do it manually, they want to feel in control. A lot of times this comes because you are so paycheck to paycheck that you just want to make sure you know by doing it manually, you can make absolutely sure that you have money in the account and won't be getting overdraft fees. So if that's you, then I. Well, if that's you. Well, honestly, most people that are doing that are pretty actually good at it because they're so used to it, because it's a rookie, it's a habit. So you need to get routine and habit going in other areas, like tracking your expenses, because it's not the bills that are the problem, it's the handing over of the card. It's that it's usually the problem and just a complete lack of awareness of what's actually going out besides the bills. You know you've paid the energy bill enough times, you've paid the rent enough times to be able to remember that, because eventually, like we can remember things, our long-term memory isn't so bad, but it's all the things that are temporary. So we're probably like 12 minutes into this podcast, 13 minutes, and this podcast is about executive functions and money. I hope you got that point. I know I just started talking about me and my problems and my working memory, but we're going to keep talking for the next six minutes or so about the other executive functions that it affects. So let's continue on Impulse control. Impulse control, you know I always feel like they're all related, like my brain doesn't really separate out very well, like, yes, I understand that impulse control is like you have an impulse to do something and you can't control it, but it's all interrelated because how much of you be unable to stop the impulses due to the fact that you can't remember the reason why you shouldn't do the thing in the first place. So it's like working memory, impulse or interrelated, regardless. We all know what it's like. I mean, this year I had five months good, like I was as tracking and as, unfortunately, dictatorial as I ever have been about expending, expenses and stuff. Part of it's because I'm a little bit overly controlling, just being honest, and I work on that. But there's always a central theme and it's like if I'm not in control or I'm not controlling, then I feel like it's lost and I'm just lost. So that's why I feel like control for me is very important. It keeps me feeling sane. But this month of July just got completely out of hand. I utterly obliterated my budget for July. Now I'll be honest with you, it's not as bad because I'm blessed and I have income. That's pretty good these days. It's keeping me going. It was just so far off from my goal. You know we did some things to the house and that we had been planning on. Well, we were planning. So this is how it goes. We've been talking for like four years about doing things to the house, right, but we didn't really say when we would do it, and so I've been setting aside some money for it. But then, because we have a kid coming in October, for whatever reason, it was just like, okay, this is the month, and we just looked at each other, mirror, like Chachin, let's go buy the stuff. And so it wasn't just the fridge and the dishwasher, but it was also, you know, their new recess lights, and it was this, and that is like I just pulled forward all the projects and just said July is the month and part of what I do when I do this. It was impulse. It, without a question, is impulse. It, I mean, you know, and this is how spending snowballs, you, you do the one thing, you let loose and you spend money after you have it in a while and you get that rush of return of, like the feet, the dopamine. It comes strong, and then you haven't had that kind of dopamine in a while, and so you just want more, you just want more, and so it was so much easier for me then, well, after I made the first decision and I bought the appliances so we really needed a fridge, like you should have seen the block of ice that came out of that freedom, that was broken. It was insane. But you do the one thing and Then, because you did the one thing, it's so much easier to do the next and the next and the next, and the next, and the next and the next. It's like breaking the dam. And so then the impulse of this just comes off and it probably it's because you were so tired from resisting all of your the impulse. But and you know, this podcast is actually going to just be whatever, it's just gonna, because I can't keep this going forever. So we're just gonna talk a little bit more about this, because now I want to thought that I think is useful. So this actually is a good real-time example of the improvement that I have made in life find my financial ability To recover. So if this was me before, having done the mental work before, having learned about Personal finance to the extent that I have over the past two years, before, I Honestly just was older, because when I was 27, I was just first of all in my 20s and so I wasn't fully mature, and I'm still not fully mature. I'm second of all, I probably have the maturity of a 20 year old because ADHD or just being too spoiled or you know, I mean like just whatever. So what I'm trying to say is Now that I've been tracky on Monarch first, you know pretty much this whole year I'm very keep very good close, look on, and even throughout this very high spending period on the house, I still have looked at it. I faced it. You know not as much and I avoided it a bit, but I'm looking at it and I'm accepting it. And I'm looking at August. I am on August and I'm studying the budget for August and I have this flood of confidence and it's so much easier for me to pivot back to me how I need to be, whereas before this I would never even spot until it was too late to stop. So that is the improvement that I've made, an improvement that you can make just simply by keeping at it. It's just and that's really all it is. Take the things of principles I laid out in the beginning of this podcast tracking on paper, using Monarch, just looking at it every day for five minutes, you'll make progress. Impulse control is a A strong goal, let's be real. Another one is cognitive flexibility. Cognitive flexibility is our brain's ability to shift between different thoughts or actions in response to changing situations. It's basically like our brain's ability to just transition from task to task and like efficiently do that and adapt to new environments and circumstances or change strategies when current ones are ineffective, and even just recognizing when it's ineffective. It's really a good skill to have. It's a great skill to have for problem-solving and planning and social interactions. Yeah, so cognitive flexibility that's like when my wife is like, hey, can you come do this thing? And my brain was like, well, I was gonna do this thing and that's what I really wanted to do. So it's like literally pulling my teeth sometimes too. For me to get up and do the other thing and switch my brain like I hit my cognitive flexibility is pretty bad. I'm just gonna tell you that right now and in finances, you're already overwhelmed enough trying to juggle tasks at work, trying to juggle your home life with the kids and with your marriage and with everything or you know, relationship, whatever. Then, when financial stuff comes up, you already want to avoid it and now you have to make change your plans financially and well, the rest is history for a lot of us. We just don't and we just continue on until we're forced. See, with finances it's so easy to do bury your head in the sand until you have no choice but to do something, and at that point it's very painful. And so cognitive flexibility. If we're just not really up to the neurotypical standard, then we're going to kind of struggle. So you have new income, you have a big bonus. What do you do with it? You're used to the paycheck and you're used to what you're doing and you know. And now you have this extra amount of money. What do you do with it? A lot of times you'll just do what the first impulse says, where you'll think about it for a long time and get all twisted up and then you'll just do something to just get rid of it, or just to like say, okay, I'm just gonna do this just so that you've done something and you can move on without really knowing if it was the right thing to do. Or you just do nothing and let it sit there, or you just throw it all at credit card debt, because that's the most pressing thing that you have, going on, when maybe there was more optimal things you could have done. It's very difficult just to think through this, and I hear this a lot from my clients. It's just like one of the things I constantly hear is that they just want my guidance when they have a little bit of a wind fall and the bonus or whatever they just, they just want to be told what to do with it, and I get it. I mean that's, it is nice. It is a nice thing. It's simple, but it is nice. Apart from doing like brain training or I don't know, like ask your therapist or your your psychiatrist what you can do to help your cognitive flexibility for realsies. But what you can also do is have financial guardrails. You can have a financial planner like me. You could have financial coach. You could have very strict rules set up with different accounts. You can create things to help you navigate the decision-making process, so that's easier when things do change. A financial planner, though, is like, probably your best bet, because I am one and you should be my client. Just kidding, but really that is part of the value of having a financial planner, because then, as soon as a financial question hits your head and you do not know the answer, you just have a human to ask who already knows all about your situation, and that is a nice thing. Ooh, this one's a biggie Task initiation. Task initiation is second to working memory. My, the worst. It's hard. It's hard whenever I do initiate the task. Finally it goes decently. But to start that task, I mean, boy, that is hard. It's always the task for me that is related to client work. So anything that has to do with a thing that I'm going to be delivering, that causes my perfectionism to kind of come up and just start to dominate my, my being. I get stuck and I'll just find little diddly squat things to do and not do the thing I should be doing until it's last second. Then I end up doing quality work that's not up to the quality that I would have liked, but I had to get it done because I had a meeting right. So that's my biggest problem is task initiation in finances. I'm okay with task initiation in finances. I'll tell you what I'm okay Because for me, task initiation for finances comes down to things like going in and up, looking at my 401k contributions, going to Monarch and organizing transactions and categorizing and looking at the budget, the plan page, and seeing how I'm doing, and sitting there for 20 minutes just staring at Monarch and moving things around, like I like doing that. I didn't used to. It was hard, but you know I do like it now and I'm okay with it For a lot of you out there, though I know it's very hard Taxes so hard to get started, so hard to even think like you're, just like five brain gymnastics moves away from even being able to consider starting some of the things that you know you need to start. So task initiation is a huge hard one. Oh boy, so hard. And from there I'm starting to get tired. I need to go take a nap. So let's just wrap this up. We've got emotional regulation is very related to retail therapy. It's very related to spending to get a dopamine fix. It's very a thing that's very, very real. What helps with this? Exercise? Feeling better helps with this. That's my experience. Solving the emotional situation at the core, at the root. Is it your relationship? Is it some sort of internal strife you have with yourself? Is it some sort of conflict with your family? What is it? Is it just your brain, your chemicals? Do you need to go see your psychiatrist and try different medication or whatever it is? If you're constantly having mood swings and you're emotionally a little bit unstable and you find yourself going to spending to solve any of that, you're in trouble, frankly. I mean, I've been there, I still go there, for sure Not as bad. I've read a lot of books. Books help read books the more you read. You just need to build up that armor of defense. You need to build up the knowledge of why it's bad to spend money you don't have. Why is it bad? What do you really want? Like I've said that a billion times what do you want? Money will not I mean things will not and cannot give you true, fulfilling happiness. Our economic system is set up in such a way that everyone is incentivized to make you think that, but it will not. Once the last time you had lasting joy like lasting true, every day, smile on your face, happiness from a thing you haven't, you won't but you would from having kids or having a great relationship or having great connections with family and friends. And that's where it's at, yo, that's where it's at. That's where it's at. So, exercise when you feel the urge to do real-time therapy, go outside and run a lap or think about your kids. That's that. That one helps me. I just think about you know, my daughter, and it makes me want to act right. And then, like, planning is an executive function that we ain't so good at. Organization we're not so good at. Well, sometimes I feel like I'm good at organizing. I can make pretty things and whatever, but as soon as there's one wrench in any system, I make it's very unsettling and I don't know what to do about it half the time. So all I can say for this is get on an app, get on Monarch, get on Mint, get on Rocket Money, which used to be True Bill categorize budget and organize it the best you can. When you're thinking about categories, it gets everybody. Everybody struggles with categories. Here's a few things. I'm going to end on this. If you don't know what category to put it in, make a new one. When in doubt, make a new one. Never let yourself spend more than a minute struggling to figure out what to do, because this is not a science. There's no perfect place. At the end of the day, all you really need to have categorized correctly is expenses, income, transfers. If expenses are labeled as an expense and income is labeled as income and transfers are labeled as transfers, then you have an accurate picture, month to month, of how much money you are accumulating in debt or how much money you are saving and can invest and can build wealth and can make your dreams come true. So that's how I'm going to end this episode. Thanks for listening to my Ramble. It was a Ramble, it was fun. I was going to go to the gym and I did this instead, but now I'm going to go to the gym and I'm going to talk to you guys later and I hope you have a great weekend. Summer. Everything is going to be great. We all are going to be great. I love you guys. See you soon.