Transcript
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In 2024, the ADHD Money Talk podcast did two episodes that hurt.
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In 2022, we did one every single week, I believe.
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In 2023, we did almost every week, and in 2024, we did two.
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So me, dave, burned out pretty hard.
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So my business was getting big, but also my ADHD brain was having a hard time staying on top of everything and things started to fall off.
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And so the last six months or so, it's been like Dave in the cave, hibernating, resting in a way, making things less complicated, shrinking on purpose the kinds of things that sometimes you just have to accept that you got to do which was very hard to accept, and it's like you don't really feel like you've accepted it until it's already been happening and you're like, oh, now I see what my brain was trying to do.
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But anyways, we've been retooling.
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I have someone now working with me named Max, and he's going to be on the podcast from now on.
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So let's cut right to the chase and just let you know that in 2025, we're going to do bi weekly episodes.
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We're going to have Max on here too, as, like my co host, because it will make it more conversational.
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It'll help make the prep for podcasts not as difficult because doing a solo podcast if you have anything if you've ever done a podcast solo, you would know that it's harder, because you kind of have to be entertaining by yourself the whole time as best as you possibly can and you get in your head a lot and then you're like, if you're perfectionistic sometimes you're like hitting stop, re-record, stop, re-record, like until you feel like you're going insane.
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So that's so.
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It's going to be easier to be consistent.
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We're going to bring out episodes every two weeks.
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We're going to talk about all kinds of stuff.
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Hopefully we'll get some guests on if we feel like we have the time to do the whole scheduling thing and can manage that.
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But we'll be able to come up with stuff to talk about.
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It's going to stay the same as it was before Vulnerable, raw, transparent, not ashamed to say the mistakes that we make relatable.
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All of the things that I think made the podcast somewhat successful or at least I felt it was somewhat successful in the first place was because most people would reach out and say, hey, I appreciate you talking about this so raw and being so vulnerable and transparent.
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So that's what we're going to stay with, while also giving you all the tips, the ideas and what you need to help.
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Let's get into the episode.
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So it's me and Max Moclock who's been working with me.
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He's got a great radio voice You're going to like it.
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He's got a consulting background and he's been helping me stay sane while I rebuild my business.
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And in the near future you'll start to hear more about the new offers we have, the new things we're doing in the back Lots of exciting stuff.
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So stay tuned, come back in, listen to us, go to ADHDMoneyTalkcom and ask a question, leave a voicemail and get in the conversation and just stay tuned because we got a lot of cool stuff coming.
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So that's enough of this.
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Let's get into the episode.
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We're talking about winter arc, new Year's resolution, and we're flipping it all on its head and saying something fresh about New Year's resolutions with people with ADHD.
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And bear with us while our on-camera and on-microphone chemistry starts to blossom.
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Could be a little awkward at first, but that's okay, we'll figure it out.
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All right, let's get into it.
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Welcome back to ADHD Money Talk, the show that helps you figure out money with ADHD.
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It's as simple as that, and we're back after a long hiatus super long.
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But just watch out, because we might get one done and then never show up again, or we might get on a roll.
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We'll see.
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We're going to find out soon.
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So, guess what?
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We have someone else going to be talking Instead of just me powering through.
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We've got Max, who's been helping me out, and it's his first time ever talking to the public, to all 10 of you who listen to the show.
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So, max, say hello, introduce yourself.
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What's up Dave, what's up guys?
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It's good to be here.
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I'm feeling more of the getting on a roll vibe here for 2025.
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Yeah, we're going to get on a roll and it's going to be beautiful, and we're going to have some new things coming out, which is going to be cool.
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So stay tuned.
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But, yeah, we've been in the war room for a while figuring out our next moves hence the content hiatus, moves, hence the content hiatus.
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But we're about ready to come back out and go hard and bring you guys some good content that will help you with your money in a way that at least feels somewhat approachable, because we know money is pretty unapproachable for a lot of us, which is understandable.
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So we're going to start off this new wave of the ADHD Money Talk podcast talking about New Year's resolutions.
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So, have you ever heard of the winter arc?
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Have you ever heard of it, max?
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Have you heard of the winter?
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arc.
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So the winter arc is really just an approach to setting goals that breaks things down into a more manageable time frame.
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Right, it gets you in a frame of mind that you're just changing habits.
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You're not making these crazy lifestyle adjustments for an entire year like a new year's resolution.
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Yeah, that's basically what I got from it.
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So I read a couple articles.
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One was called what is it winter arc?
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So thankfully they did answer the question.
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But it's kind of like you have three months left of the year and what a lot of people might do.
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What I do is it gets dark and cold out and it's a little bit icky and there's always holidays, so I kind of just like start getting to the couch a little bit sooner, get the snacks a little bit sooner, binge eat, just go into my comfort, my creature comforts, hard, and so then.
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So then basically I come up to January and I'm like, oh, I'm going to work out, but I've literally went 10 steps backwards in those last three months.
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So it's kind of like pre-priming for a new year's resolution, like getting warmed up.
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Is that kind of what you got from it?
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Yeah, it's like getting some momentum going so you don't have to really crush everything at once.
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yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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And like in some of these in this article, they're talking about some like on in the, on the, on the socials, people are like getting up at 5 am and doing crazy workouts and stuff and like that's like, for I don't know, maybe they really are doing that.
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I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt, but it's not for me.
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For me, it'd be like I'm going to brush my teeth for an extra 10 seconds today and that's a win.
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There you go.
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Yeah, there you go.
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There you go.
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I think one of the biggest things is the whole mindset shift, because I remember in one of the articles I think it was either a psychologist or a counselor she said you know, don't jump to the big things.
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If you want to lose weight, make your goal weight realistic.
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Like, for example, right now, if I say I want to lose 20 pounds, that's probably going to take me I don't know how long, I don't know exactly how to break down a 20 pound weight loss and I don't know if I really want to do the things that are going to, you know, be required for me to lose 20 pounds.
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So I just said to myself this morning when I was leaving you know what, I'm just going to lose five pounds and that's going to be it.
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And bringing things down at that level feels much more manageable for, like my ADHD, you know like there's not as much pressure to do this, this crusade towards a big grand goal right now yeah, not nearly as much pressure and you can give yourself a reward for getting those five pounds.
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And like when I would do my weight loss journeys, because I've had about six of them in my vicious cycle of lose, then gain and lose and gain, I've had the most success tracking carefully, but that's also hard to manage.
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But I also had success taking pictures of myself to see like changes that you did the picture, I did pictures like two of on two of my cycles.
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Yeah, I would take pictures in the mirror and then I would.
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I would be able to see the evolution and I think seeing it and just even just looking at yourself and being like you're okay, dave, you look good, I think that that kind of stuff is helpful.
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I really do that positive self-talk that's it.
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It's huge.
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Yes, it's totally huge.
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So what the experts say about this winter arc, though, is that you want to be realistic and you don't want to make goals that are way too idealistic, which is why they say that 88% of people who set a New Year's resolution don't make it into february sticking to it, because they're just unrealistic and they are way too idealistic and for me and for the adhd side of things it.
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I always get caught up thinking about the um, I get infatuated with the feeling of the outcome and I just skip the process.
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I just go right to holy crap, like I want to look like that, let's do it.
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And so the process usually goes.
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What's the most extreme way?
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I can do this as fast as possible.
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It's like I'm going to buy this workout package, I'm going to follow it and I'm going to just go hard every day.
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Don't miss a day, and if I miss a day, you're like, ah, it's over, I lost, I failed.
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It means I'm a total failure.
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I missed one day.
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Total failure and that's the exact same thing for budgeting too for me is if I go over one category limit that I may have set for myself, no matter how arbitrary it was.
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If I go over a category limit, or if I skip a few days of categorizing transactions, or if I do have an impulse purchase that is like $250, $500, that's a lot for me.
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I'll then abandon ship.
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I won't look at my monarch for probably two weeks.
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I'll come back.
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There'll be 88 transactions you know I'll be overwhelmed you have 88 transactions to review max.
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Yeah, you, piece of crap good luck.
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Exactly what a feeling.
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And then you put it down and next time you get it there's 250 yep.
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So I guess I to I wanted to mention that the whole you know, thinking about this topic, the little nugget of epiphany that I had was that we ADHD people, generally speaking, shouldn't really I mean, maybe we shouldn't think about doing New Year's resolutions where you're making this goal for 2025 and actually thinking you're going to stick to it and actually thinking you're going to stick to it.
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Maybe we should just have a series of winter arcs where we're literally adding the one smallest next thing we can do to move towards the objective.
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And I think that's important.
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And let's talk about thinking about the objective Like, what should the objective be?
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Because I feel like there's some pitfalls people fall into with coming up with a goal.
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Yeah, like in the first place, even figuring out what it is they want to do, whether it's a winner arc or your weekly goal or anything.
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Is that what you're talking about?
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Yeah, figuring out what you want to do.
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What's the motivation behind the goal.
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Is it really truly something you genuinely want and are connected to, or does it feel like an obligation or something like that?
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Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
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So, before trying to white-knuckle your way into goals and I'm just doing this for the first time now because, like we've talked about here, you know, I've kind of just picked an arbitrary goal that I felt super passionate about, focused on, threw a bunch of money at and then, you know, let fall by the wayside I'm trying to ask these questions and go into it with a little more intention this time.
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So something like asking yourself why am I even doing this in the first place?
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You know, am I setting a goal because I want to do this, or because I just feel like I should, because I've seen other people post about this?
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Or I'm X age, I just turned 30 and I feel like by the time you're 30, you need to do this, or by the time you're 30, you need to do this, or by the time you're 40, you need to have this done.
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And that'll help really inform how you're going to carry the purpose of the goal with you throughout the whole time that you're doing this.
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Because whether it's a winner arc or whether it's something else like if you don't really have a strong why, or if it's not really coming from the right place, whether it's fitness, finances, hobbies, relationships.
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It's probably not going to last that long, and I'm just speaking from my experience here.
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I've crashed and burned plenty of times when it comes to this stuff.
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Having that strong, why, like why, are you even doing these things in the first place?
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Yeah, I think that's super important, and anyone who has, who's actually stuck with this podcast through the break and has listened to my early ones, you know how much of a stickler I was for why, on that one-page financial plan that I wanted everyone to try and do, the top thing you put on it was what is your money purpose?
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What is the purpose?
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And you got there by doing a lot of deep reflection.
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You couldn't just, you couldn't be following a fad or following what your friends are doing or what your colleagues are doing.
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It had to be deeply felt and connected to in order for it to have any staying power, let's say.
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And so and I think in this, in these articles in one of them they say she made a really good point the winter arc is about setting goals for yourself, like many do, and sticking to them without outside support cheering you on.
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It means reinventing yourself, even just bettering yourself, or even just bettering yourself in some way, without the expectation that anyone else is going to notice or care.
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So it's true, yeah, it's all about that motivation.
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And why are you doing it?
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And one of the things that I'm trying to do better at and I know the power of it like I, rationally and intellectually know the power of it.
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But it is hard for us with adhd to really truly visualize our future selves in the state that we want to be in.
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But it's more than just seeing a picture, but it's seeing the movie.
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You know, it's like seeing the movie of your life with these accomplishments and feeling the air that you breathe in in the morning when you have no debt anymore, and putting yourself in that environment where everything is calm.
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And how do you feel when you walk downstairs and make breakfast?
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How do you feel now?
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What are the thoughts racing through your mind and what will your thoughts be then?
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What are the things that you'll be able to focus on and put your attention to?
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That you can't today, because you have all this kind of hum of chaos and uncertainty and limited choice, even because when you have like debt, like we've talked about, it can really keep you trapped in this prison of limited options and kind of like ongoing subtle fear.
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So the visualization, really feeling it, deeply Meditating on it, doing self-hypnosis on it, whatever it takes to get it into your subconscious, that is who you are.
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And then I've also read a lot about and really relate to the idea of reading that future you that you visualized into your current state, like into your current mindset.
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So it's almost like saying I do have what it takes, I am on the path, I am worthy of it.
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So I think all this mental work and this is what I drill into all of my clients is this mental work is absolutely key for goal achievement, financial or otherwise.
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Not just throwing money at it can't throw money at it and you can't go on the continual um treadmill of rationalization, um of.
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Oh yeah, look, I kind of did better here.
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It kind of works there, but I'll do it next month you can't, you know there's certain times where you have to be super honest with yourself and catch yourself rationalizing yourself into a temporary safe space.
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Yeah, yeah, and then just blaming, just blaming, your ADHD.
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Yeah, you really can't do that.
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Don't just use it as a cop out.
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I'm raising, I'm raising my hand here.
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Yeah, no doubt that.
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I need to so.
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So yeah, I mean I think connecting with your why in the first place is the first big piece to sort of creating a successful winner arc Right.
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I mean, the second thing, or the second question that I think you started to get into answering a little bit, was in what specific ways will I benefit from making these changes?
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So I really liked how you said view the movie, don't look at the picture Like, don't just have the picture flash in front of you Like.
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Start to get that repetition of seeing what your life is going to look like when you achieve or you hit this goal or you implement some new behavior or habit in your daily life, because that makes it a lot more real than just kind of having a flash, at least I think, in pictures sometimes just kind of having a flash of that picture and then just jumping right to the next thought that you have for or or not, really ingraining the emotion with what you're actually shooting for.
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No, I get what you're saying because it's like you have the flash.
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I I definitely experienced the flash of the image, the instant kind of surge of like I would call it strong but not well built, foundationally motivation, and I lunge into it.
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What?
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And that could even be an impulsive purchase, where it's like if I get this thing, it's going to make my journey to this goal happen.
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Like this thing will do it.
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You get the flash.
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I'm going to use a real example of something that I've done recently.
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There's like a thousand of them.
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I can't think of one.
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If I buy this massage gun, I'm going to not be sore and that'll make me go to the gym.
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Boom bought it.
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Barely use it.
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That kind of thing, because I still do that.
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Oh yeah, I did it the other day.
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I bought a it's this lower back heating massager strap thing, and is it going to work?
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I don't know.
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Did I really need it?
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Probably not.
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We'll see when it gets here.
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I don't know, Did I really need it?
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Probably not.
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We'll see when it gets here.
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I don't know, maybe I'll be jumping around when my back is in perfect shape after I've used this $40, you know, back massager off of Amazon.
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I doubt it.
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Hey, man, 40 bucks though it's at least, at least that's a in magnitude uh, not the worst thing.
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From what I can tell about you, max, I think you do a pretty, I think you're.
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You're like, you go to the library, like that's, like, that's awesome.
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I, I do go to the library, yeah, and like like I was explaining, uh, I'm like I'm gonna read this book, so I'll buy it right now, and then I never do.
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Or I buy it on audible and then I have.
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So I probably have 100 books on audible and I've probably read 30 of them yeah, yeah.
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And then I keep buying new ones that I want to read and then I may never get to it.
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Oh wait, I was going to say okay on that note.
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So how you brought up you know the, the movie and tying emotions to it.
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I think like a practical example of that that I just had written down, was emergency funds a lot right?
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Was emergency funds a lot right?
00:20:17.726 --> 00:20:55.251
Like people needing emergency funds not just so they can have an arbitrary amount of money in their bank account, but because when there's an expense that comes down or when stuff hits the fan, you save that money, not so you can just have the money, but so that you can feel confident and you can feel pride of knowing that when that thing does happen it does come down the pike you can totally cover it without putting it onto a credit card or without it going to collections and stressing about it and like for real, like we've all been there when that has happened, but it's not ideal and that's not that like.
00:20:55.251 --> 00:21:00.471
That's the type of thing that kind of keeps you in those cycles where you're not really breaking out of it.
00:21:00.471 --> 00:21:04.226
So like tying that pride and that confidence in the future.
00:21:04.226 --> 00:21:08.453
You know, I think that that can really help as you're going about this for the first time.
00:21:09.201 --> 00:21:22.189
Yeah, when we're talking about building up financial stability, so many people want to jump straight to debt payoff if they have credit card debt and they overlook having any buffer.
00:21:22.189 --> 00:21:31.903
And I was actually talking to a client earlier this week about this and you know I always say what I gotta say about, like you should have an emergency fund.
00:21:31.903 --> 00:21:37.924
But it's nice to see when a client finally has their own realization where, like, I think I'm flying a little too close to the sun.
00:21:37.924 --> 00:21:53.931
I think it's time to have a little bit of a cushion, because it's very defeating to go to the credit card that you've been trying to dutifully pay off when something comes up that's unplanned, an emergency or just something that's too good to pass up.
00:21:53.931 --> 00:21:55.880
Whatever it could possibly be, it's still.
00:21:55.880 --> 00:21:56.662
It's just going to.
00:21:56.662 --> 00:22:05.623
When you, when you see that line of the balance going down and then spiking back up and giving away two months of progress, that is emotionally defeating.
00:22:06.265 --> 00:22:12.748
Yeah, it was like me yesterday at lunch, when I had six slices of pizza from Bella Rosie and I probably needed two yeah.
00:22:14.029 --> 00:22:15.373
Yeah, I mean that pizza is amazing.
00:22:15.660 --> 00:22:18.287
So it is amazing and I can't wait to have it again.
00:22:18.287 --> 00:22:19.791
I'm going to have it the next time we come up.
00:22:19.791 --> 00:22:35.817
But when you work with clients too, could you maybe paint a picture of what it's like for people when they finally do see their credit card balance hit zero or a bill that's been with collections or anything like in the debt?
00:22:35.817 --> 00:22:37.286
We'll just call it the debt umbrella.
00:22:37.286 --> 00:22:40.625
You know what's that like for them when they actually pay it off.
00:22:40.625 --> 00:22:41.508
Like what do you see?
00:22:41.508 --> 00:22:42.329
What do you hear?
00:22:42.329 --> 00:22:43.452
What are they feeling?
00:22:44.359 --> 00:22:51.446
So the best I can, because I feel like there's a short answer and a long answer and the answer that's everyone's different and has their own experience.
00:22:51.446 --> 00:22:54.175
So let me try and use a reason.
00:22:54.175 --> 00:22:55.801
I have a recent kind of example.
00:22:55.801 --> 00:23:13.434
So I had a client couple who I've been with for over probably almost two years at this point, and they had a lot of debt and they were, you know, and we did the old and they didn't, they didn't want to do anything drastic to like affect their credit scores and all this kind of stuff.
00:23:13.434 --> 00:23:27.099
So for like a year and a half or so we just dutifully kind of set up the cash flow plan and said, ok, we're going to try and chip away at the debt, we're going to use your budget and we're going to keep reviewing this and the accountability and all that.
00:23:27.099 --> 00:23:54.583
But it gets to a point where it feels very idle and it feels like you're almost then stuck in a pattern with the client of like doing the same, like beating your head against the wall, of like doing the same like beating your head against the wall, um and so and the thing with us a lot of us, people with adhd and just people in general, but at least for me, and, um, you can be kind of stubborn sometimes to accept freely advice when they finally came to the conclusion that they needed to do something drastic.
00:23:54.583 --> 00:24:00.613
So we were basically going like sideways, like the debt wasn't going up, which was good, like they stopped building it, but it was just sideways.
00:24:00.613 --> 00:24:02.221
And the interest payments, interest payments.
00:24:02.221 --> 00:24:12.430
They finally decided to do something that I had been suggesting for a while and recently I got the email saying like we've got our first big card paid off.
00:24:12.769 --> 00:24:13.813
He also had another win.
00:24:13.813 --> 00:24:19.148
That was a legal win, but, uh, like the you could, I feel the energy change.
00:24:19.148 --> 00:24:33.788
Like they, like I feel, I can just feel that their commitment, their engagement just skyrockets and they feel that hope and that desire to keep going where before it was just like hanging on by a thread.
00:24:33.788 --> 00:24:36.794
Um, so that's what?
00:24:36.794 --> 00:24:38.320
And then it gets infectious.
00:24:38.320 --> 00:25:08.148
And that's what I try and get, for everyone is to get to that tipping point of infectiousness, and you can't do that by making your first goal be I'm going to pay off thirty thousand dollars a credit card debt this year won't without giving yourself little wins along the way, which is huge, even if it's like I put 50 in my savings account this month.
00:25:08.148 --> 00:25:08.549
Yeah, it's like dude.
00:25:08.549 --> 00:25:13.969
You haven't done that in years, so pat yourself on the back, go to the mirror, say congratulations, what a win.
00:25:14.190 --> 00:25:21.520
Let's do it again yeah, and it starts with those little things over those smaller time frames do it again.
00:25:21.540 --> 00:25:25.067
Yeah, and it starts with those little things over those smaller time frames.
00:25:25.067 --> 00:25:33.530
Yeah, because the one of the with it, with, with, with adhd, we one of the biggest things we struggle with and with our executive functioning is following through and finishing things.
00:25:33.530 --> 00:25:36.362
But we start a ton of stuff but we never finish.
00:25:36.362 --> 00:25:38.784
And when you don't finish, you don't.
00:25:38.784 --> 00:25:43.807
And this is like, if you, I don't there's an Andrew Huberman episode about this.
